Here’s a little write up of the show I’m going to be performing at on Wednesday. Little do they know I’m going to dab vinegar and water behind my ears!
Archive | May, 2009
Things I'm not doing right now
I’m currently experiencing a dearth of pith which is a shame really, as I need to turn in some pithy one liners by tomorrow morning. If only I needed to turn in papers on a desk or board games, both of which I can see a lot of from my seat at my mom’s computer. I could go on about things I see but that would just be procrastinating and I’m if I’m going to procrastinate I’d rather do something I feel passionate about, like saving the kangaroos or having tantric sex. Or having tantric sex with kangaroos who I’ve saved.
Go ahead and judge all you want, but have you tried it? Once you get past the feeling of, “hey, I’m having sex with a kangaroo and it’s lasting a really long time and is that weird,” it’s fairly mind blowing.
Oh, these bruises? No, not from that. They’re from being clumsy and thin-skinned and apparently not knowing where I end and other people and things begin. You think I’m joking but I’ve nearly taken out two people and an end cap at a grocery store on this trip. Everything in California is just closer to me, literally, than in New York. It’s as if I’m on rollerblades and suck at rollerblading only instead I’m on foot and suck at walking/standing.
Did I mention I need to write something remotely clever but I’m not feeling clever? I think I did.
I could text a friend, not to get clever ideas but to pass time, but I refer to my above statements about kangaroo sex and passion. If I’m going to dilly dally I should really be doing something I prefer. Like watching Gossip Girl. My parents are recording it for me though.
Or instead of texting a friend I could call another friend who I’m overdue in contacting. I should really do that. Or text the other friend. Or call another other friend. As a friend, I kind of suck right now. As a person who writes clever things I also am kind of sucking right now. As someone who is sitting near an adorable dog, I’m kicking ass.
Ok, it’s time to attempt the cleverness again. Then it’s kangaroos.
Look, a post with tons of photos!
It seems to me I’m way overdue in terms of posting. Allow me to rectify that with a crapload of photos.
In this one I made my friends pose for a photo with me and then I took it and this is what came out, thus proving I only have eyes for me. Sadly this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.
Here I am with my friend Yami.
Here’s me and Yami in the foreground and Matt in the background. I’m telling you, I’m kind of gifted when it comes to photography.
Here’s me and Yami and Jo.
Here’s Tobey looking up at my mom and being adorable.
Here’s me trying on tons of sunglasses at Costco.
And then I decided I wanted to put one of these in the middle of my living room
Here’s the dog park where my parents take Tobey. Sadly he doesn’t like dogs. He’s afraid of them.
Here’s a really agreeable balcony we saw on Balboa Island.
Here’s a little boy pointing to the seals that had taken over a boat near the island.
Here’s the boy playing with Tobey, who happens to be beloved by children. He’s like the Velveteen Rabbit, only real. Okay maybe that wasn’t the best analogy. Anyway the next day this little girl came up in a stroller and began talking to Tobey and my mom and after they chatted for awhile (she also had a Maltese but it died, it was named Pebbles after the TV she told us) her dad said, “Say goodbye now.” She looked at my mom and me and said, “bye bye” and then looked at Tobey and said, “woof woof.” It was one of the best things I’ve seen/heard in a long time.
You can kind of see the seals here, but only kind of. If you look between the two white posts they’re the dark mass closer to the right post.
Here’s the view of the water from the little island. There’s a big island and a little island on Balboa. I think there is at least. I’m terrible with directions and geography and topography and cartography and calligraphy an
d epidemiology and psychology and hagiography and biology and yoyology (study of yo-yos)
Here’s Tobey in the car.
Here’s a photo from the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. I spent the longest time trying to come up with a leprechaun pun and then gave up.
Ducks at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden.
Cherry blossoms at the BBG.
More cherry blossoms.
Okay so I’m posting these out of order. Here’s a photo taken a couple nights ago in California in front of Detroit, which isn’t in Michigan, it’s in Costa Mesa. We were standing there and then this woman came up and took our photo. I can’t remember why we went back to back. Probably because we were fighting crime.
And then here I am on the Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. Have I explained that I got a call at 8am to be on air at 9am? I’m still talking about it. They didn’t even have time for mascara. Thank God I’m so naturally effervescent and also modest.
And then here’s where I made this face.
And then here’s where I smiled as if desperately looking for approval.
Here’s where I said something magnificent.
Here’s where I was incredulous and/or waiting for my turn to speak.
I wrote this post from the back of a pig
Oh hey everyone. I’m writing this post from the back of a pig. As you’ve likely heard by now, swine flu doesn’t come from having contact with actual swine, however no one really believes that and so the line for pig rides was super duper short. I’d be a fool not to take advantage of it!
You’re probably wondering a few things:
1) Yes it smells.
2) No, not like bacon.
3) A saddle, duh!
4) Bessie
5) She’s about five which in pig years is… hm… anyone speak pig?
6) Thus far we haven’t stumbled on any truffles but Bessie isn’t blind.
7) It’s quite relaxing really. I feel close to nature and sort of grounded because the pig is fairly low to the ground and yet the feeling of the wind whipping through my hair is liberating and also exotic. I could get lost in the rhythm of the pig’s loping gait.
8) To be honest, I could do without the attitude though.
9) Aloof. That’s how I’d describe it. Aloof and entitled. Like it’s going to take a little more than me to really dazzle this pig.
10) Not that it really matters what this pig thinks of me but I mean, what, does it mean nothing that I was a national merit scholar? Huh, pig? Is that not good enough for you?
11) Uh oh, there’s a mud patch up ahead.
12) Yes, a mud patch. Just go with it.
13) Uh oh, I’m getting a call on the pig phone. Anyone know how to answer this thing?
14) Just a regular ring, not an oink. That would be silly!
15) It’s my mom. She wants to know if I want to go to Costco.
16) How did she even get this number? That’s curious.
17) I’m going to turn around and ride back to the pig stables now.
18) No, not a pen, that’s a myth. These pigs live in a stable.