Archive | February, 2009

Endangered words and creepy girls

By Alison Rosen on February 26, 2009 in anna david, definitions, freelancing makes you weird, words

Gawker put up this post about endangered words and the scary thing is that I frequently use most of the words people are worried about losing and/or saying should be brought back. Why, just the other day I remarked to a friend, “Zounds! I’m headed to a hootenanny where I shall squeeze my guts with a stick! Then I shall tweet about any terrific frippery I encounter after said gut squeezing.” Which begs the question: Am I that person out there in the linguistic forest chained to a big tree? Because no one cares about that person. I mean, you don’t want them to get chopped down because that’s gross, but in general it’s like, “you should have thought about that before chaining yourself to a tree.” It also begs the question, does anyone chain themselves to trees or is that just a plot device from Family Ties?

It also begs the question if my references are anachronistic in the extreme so pretend instead of Family Ties I’d said One Tree Hill.

The other day Anna and I were talking and I told her a story where I’d worried I’d come off as a creepy goober and she stopped me and said nothing I could have done would be worse than having used the word goober. “But I like goober!” I weedled asthmatically. It was attractive. She relented a bit, perhaps I am more in touch with slang zeitgeist was the thinking, however I’ve since embargoed goober.

Goober, goober, goober, goober, goober, goober, goober, goober, goober, goober, goober, goober…

Oops, embargo repealed!

So, want to hear the story where I was worried I came off as a creepy goober? I think you do!

I had potential plans to hang out with someone I don’t know well however we’re both incredibly famous and exceedingly wonderful. He invited me to a thing and I couldn’t go to the thing so then maybe we were going to meet up the following day. He texted, “I’ll touch base with you tomorrow.” I quickly typed into my phone: “Not if I touch your base first.” And, here is the thing, I was sitting there staring at my own text thinking, “Don’t send this, it’s sending a message you aren’t intending to send.” And then I watched myself hit send, knowing this was quite possibly going to make things weird, because ultimately I was more in love with my dumb wordplay than anything else. Hence the question which I discussed with The 404, can girls be creepy?

Upside/Downside

By Alison Rosen on February 26, 2009 in freelancing makes you weird

Well, on the upside, I had to turn in fifteen jokes by tomorrow and I just turned them in. On the downside, I stole them all from Truly Tasteless Jokes. Hope these people enjoy Helen Keller and dead baby jokes! Also on the upside, the grocery store near my apartment got a shipment of the milk I like! On the downside, the fact that the grocery store near my apartment got a shipment of the milk I like is an upside. On the upside, I bought more Brussels sprouts. On the downside, I accidentally put them in the freezer. On the upside, I had a baby. On the downside, I accidentally put it in the freezer too. On the upside, I can joke about such things. On the downside, now you all are afraid of me because what kind of monster makes those jokes? On the upside, I started walking down the wrong street thinking it was the one I lived on tonight but realized it about halfway down the block. On the downside, the block’s half empty. On the upside, I don’t have any major assignments hanging over my head. On the downside, I don’t have any major assignments hanging over my head. On the upside, my hair is very lovely. On the downside, do you people only love me for my lovely hair? On the upside, lovely hair, I said. On the downside, but I totally need a haircut and there’s all sorts of split ends and flyaways and it’s time to get it straightened again except I’m sort of maybe thinking of letting the curls come back. Thoughts? On the upside, I’m kind of in love with the vlogs I’ve/we’ve been doing lately. On the downside, there is no downside on that one. On the upside, I’m a little bored and antsy. Not presently, because I’m tired, but just in general and in my life. On the downside, yeah bitch, who the fuck isn’t? On the upside, in the olden days, men would turn to the sea at times like this. On the downside, I get seasick.

Sorry about the language, Todd!

Reviews of Web Sites We Haven't Visited: Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop

By Alison Rosen on February 25, 2009 in dustin, reviews of movies we haven’t seen, video, vlogs

Shit really picks up around the fourth minute. I swear!

How do Dustin and I know each other?

By Alison Rosen on February 25, 2009 in dustin, video, vlogs

No gloves, no love

By Alison Rosen on February 25, 2009 in tumblr, wendy molyneux

note: the title of this post has nothing to do with this picture, well, not in the way you’re thinking.

Alison, Wendy

The public demanded more Alison And Wendy posts. Who are we to disappoint?

Joke help needed

By Alison Rosen on February 24, 2009 in Uncategorized

Because I did Geraldo I missed The Oscars and because I’m lazy I haven’t watched it on DVR yet and because I spend all my time playing with my hair and thinking about how fantastic everything will be when I put the finishing touches on my time machine and travel back to the day before my eye started twitching and I was able to look at myself in the mirror unfettered, I haven’t read too much of the coverage. So tell me, my internet bunions: (thank you Ted for my new favorite term!)

Did anyone wear any beaded monstrosities to the Oscars? I know I have about four female fans. Any of you aware of any beaded action? Or guys, perhaps you might be aware?

Do tell!

I love you more than life itself.

Rosenating, part two. Plus… THE MAGICIAN FACE

By Alison Rosen on February 23, 2009 in video, vlogs

I also don't really have a bean bag chair

By Alison Rosen on February 23, 2009 in Uncategorized

My sister called me tonight to tell me that while she isn’t a member of either of my Facebook fan clubs, she wants me to know that she’s my biggest fan. “I’m sorry, who is this again?” I asked. She tried to answer but it was hard to hear her over my yelling “you’re dead to me” and then admonishing my handlers for even putting the call through. It’s so tough to find good handlers these days. “Don’t handle me like that!” I’ll yell, when they’re manhandling my affairs. “Alison Rosen wishes to be left alone!” I’ll announce to my empty apartment, ordering my furniture into the street. “That includes you, futon!” I’ll declare, even though I don’t have a futon. I don’t even want to tell you what I say to my bean bag chair. It verges on obscene.

In other news I made coffee today with a French press because I have one and never use it. Then I pressed fresh flowers in it (Freesia and dandelion) and then I pressed my luck with it and then I pressed two dress shirts and a small run of bibles.

Then I took a nap.

What Is Rosenating?

By Alison Rosen on February 23, 2009 in video, vlogs

I’ve told you guys about how my California friends coined the term “Rosenating,” right? Today I met up with my old friend Rob and I grilled him about said coinage. Then I really put the screws to him about the aforementioned term. Then I interrogated him about the word he made up. Then I gave him the third degree about the thing I referred to. Then I read him the riot act about that whatzit I mentioned. Then I shook him down about the doodad we’ve been talking about. And then I deftly culled from him the 411 on the you know what, that, well, you know.