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Archive | top search terms

Puppies please!

In a blatant attempt to see if I can alter the ads that are appearing on this page (for fear that un-delightful things will become associated with me as a commenter pointed out) I’m going to craft some sentences with images I’m okay with including puppies, babies, rainbows, hot chicks, hot dudes, surfboards (?), panda bears, baby panda bears, bitchin’ rides, stylish shoes, BOOBS (may as well get some hot SEO action on here), Olson twins, Britney Spears, AIG, Madoff, Obama, top search terms, twitter, Hugh Dancy, coffee

That wasn’t even a sentence.

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Freakishly large breast implants and cockapoo lesbians

As I’ve said before, for some reason I don’t like to blog about search terms however every now and then they’re just too good to keep to myself, like a pair of freakishly large breast implants or cockapoo lesbians, which are a couple of the terms recently used to reach my blog. Also, it appears that a number of people are trying to get to Fox & Friends’ Alisyn Camerota but finding me instead so to them I’d like to say: might I interest you in a pair of freakishly large breast implants or cockapoo lesbians? I’d also like to say that while I’m not she, I’ve met her more than once and even hung out with her and her husband at a bar/restaurant, how jealous are you? Very, I imagine.

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That's between me and my underwear

Someone reached this blog by searching “how old is your underwear.” I don’t normally post about the search terms people are clicking on to get here since they’re all some combination of “alison rosen” and “hot,” however… okay fine, that’s a slight exaggeration. Sometimes they are “alison rosen” and “nude.” Once they were “alison rosen” and “rutabaga.” Also, once they were “alison rosen” and “pregnant” which gave me quite a scare, but then I remembered that there’s a famous fertility doctor who shares my name. Maybe people are wanting to see her hot and nude? And then sometimes people want to read about puppies or getting their wisdom teeth out without general anasthesia, which I do and don’t recommend.

But back to the underwear. Mine are a few hours old, thank you very much. I mean, probably they were born in a sweatshop in Vietnam ages ago, but to me they are a few hours old.

Also, tonight I am on Red Eye with Greg Proops, whom I interviewed about nine years ago when he was hosting this shortlived game show called VS. I interviewed him for the “Random Notes” section of Rolling Stone because Jani Lane of Warrant was on the show as was Terri Nunn of Berlin. The show used to pit something against something and I think it was hair bands vs… I forget. But sort of like Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil. But a game show. Anyway, I thought he was funny then and I think he’s funny now. I want to tell him about how I actually met him years ago however he’ll be on remote and I’ll be in the studio and I bet I won’t have time. Sort of like how if he and I were in a production of H.M.S. Pinafore and we were in a bunch of scenes together it might appear that we interacted but really we might not get a chance to catch up because we’d be too busy, um, battening hatches and singing. Granted there would be rehearsals, but this isn’t like that. It’s more like a spontaneous Gilbert & Sullivan musical without the singing. So I guess what I’m trying to say is Greg Proops, if you happen to read this, perhaps by searching your name or “Alison Rosen” and “H.M.S. Pinafore,” I totally met you once a billion years ago.

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