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Wait, THIS is where to see me this week! (plus info about upcoming guests)

Wait, wait, wait wait wait. I said WAIT. Jeez, in a rush or something? So just when I told you where I’d be this week it seems things are changing. I will now be on Red Eye Jan 6 on the Fox News Channel at midnight PST/3am EST which is Wednesday night/Thursday morning. I will be fantastic, so if you’d like to leave comments about how great I was in advance, I’m currently accepting them.

Right after taping that, but before you see that, I will be doing my Ustream show at 8pm PST/11pm EST and I’m excited to have Chad Rogers from Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing as one of my guests that night.

CHAD!

Will I mention to Chad that Justin Bieber seems to have ripped off his hairstyle?

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JUSTIN!

Or will I mention that Jack Wild from Oliver was waaaaay ahead of both of them?

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THE ARTFUL DODGER!

It’s tough to say, really. There may be some hot Skippy action as well. And NY1 icon Pat Kiernan will be dropping in, phonewise, one of these nights too. UPDATE, HE WILL BE ON THIS WEDNESDAY’S SHOW! YAY!

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PAT KIERNAN!

Speaking of hair, which I kind of always am, the following week on my Ustream show I most likely will be on the business end of a haircut given to me by a producer for a very popular TV show which rhymes with Faily Show. Because I’m ready for a big change in my style, I’m hoping he’ll lop off about 1/18th of an inch of my precious tresses, which I’ll then donate to a very tiny charity who makes very tiny wigs out of very tiny bits of hair. Like wigs for bugs. Bug merkins. Anyway, should more than 1/18th of hair come off the ends of my locks there very well may be tears. Not mine. He’ll also be cutting his own hair which is how we got into this whole mess. It was like this:

Him: I cut my own hair.

Me: No way. That’s impressive. Do you ever cut girl hair?

Him: I have before. I could give you a haircut on your Ustream show.

Me: Sure, why the fuck not.

It’s funny, because if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s relaxed about my hair! (If there’s two things I’m not, it’s relaxed about my hair and made out of ginger bread).

So in sum, your Wednesday looks like this:

8pm PST/11pm EST: Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend (Ustream, this is on your computer!)

12am PST/3am EST: Red Eye (Fox News Channel, this is on your television!)

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Yes, fine, I won ANOTHER award.

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Cookie party prize winners (L to R: Natali, honorable mention for her snickerdoodles; Jill, best looking for her ice cream cookie sandwiches; Seven, most creative for her cookie hamburgers; Ann, best tasting for her peanut butter cookies; me, tackiest for my sugar cookie disasters)

Over the weekend I won another award. I swear to God you guys, the accolades are coming fast and furious which is just the risk you take when you’re extraordinarily gifted, I suppose. (more…)

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Some shots from Red Eye

Some photos from Wednesday’s Red Eye? Well, if you insist.

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Here I am smiling even though my sweater is clearly fitting in a strange bunchy way. Also I’m smiling because with the delay I know that the camera is going to go to me before I’m aware it’s gone to me and so I figure it’s best if my default expression is a smile.

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Or this look which yells, “Hi, I’m a good sport. Hit me with whatever you got!” but whispers, “There’s a delay and I can’t really tell what’s going on so I’m just going to make this face.”

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And then here I went scuba diving and saw a star fish!

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And then we went to the Grand Canyon and I got married.

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I'm a vegetable narc. Also, here are some photos.

Green room shot at Geraldo

So I’m overdue in posting some photos. The above is a green room shot from Geraldo. It’s actually a makeup room in the green room shot. Note the wee Josh Groban behind me.

Want to see a gross pepper?

Oh and here’s the world’s ugliest red-or-is-it-green pepper. Do you see it? If I knew how to put arrows into photos I’d do that but let’s see here. If you aren’t seeing it, it’s directly to the left of the cabbage heads in the middle row. I don’t think this photo quite captures its horrifying freak of nature quality. It looked like it had a green tongue sticking out of it. And then when I went to snap a photo I’m pretty sure one of the grocery store guys took off to alert the boss in the back that there was some kind of vegetable narc on the premises. That’s fine. I’m kind of a vigilante vegetable narc. I make a citizen’s arrest of this pepper. Do not stare directly at this pepper.

Here's why weekends are confusing and kind of suck lately

And this is why late nights are confusing lately. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m too fired up about the pepper to really think about whether this is the sign that captures the confusion or not however basically it’s very easy to misread these signs (there are a few different ones) and end up standing on a platform for a train that’s never coming which isn’t a metaphor but when it happens to you it’s impossible not to feel like it’s a sign of how you’re living your life, instead of a sign about how you misread or don’t read signs, which is also a sign.

With Mike Rouse and Billy Zoom

Oh hey and this is X’s manager Mike Rouse, Billy Zoom of X and me in the green room at Red Eye. Here’s an article about how I know Billy.

With Billy Zoom

And then here’s Billy and me.

One of these things is less high than the other

And here’s Doug Benson and me. We were totally baked in this photo except for me. Thanks to his being in town I saw two plays and a comedy show last week. Left to my own devices I might have just taken photos of atrocious vegetables.

Oh and kind of related by not entirely but kind of: I’m trying to get the word out about The Daily Alison so if you enjoy it please tell your friends and if you don’t enjoy it, please try to enjoy it. No, try harder!

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My imitation of me

Hey you guys. Don’t be scared by the new design. I’m still the same old gal except now my name is Debra and I enjoy putting together fruit baskets. Not eating them, cuz I’m watching my carbs, but designing them. Edible bouquets, I call them. Sometimes other gals will ring me up, you know, on the old telly and I’ll be like MARGE it’s for you because I always assume when someone’s buzzing us on the horn that it’s gonna be for MARGE because she’s popular and spells her name in all caps. MARGE I say, yelling at the top of my lungs, PICK UP THE PHONE. She never does though because she died four years ago. Bet you didn’t see that coming. Frankly I didn’t either. I thought she was still in the other room painting her toenails and being a royal pain in the ass with the way she’s always talking about Italy.

Anyway, so Ma Bell is just blowing up and no one’s answering. Who could that be giving us a jingle jangle? Who’s buzzing? What the hell was I talking about? Dammit I forget. Oh yes, sometimes ladies will give me the old honkaroo wondering if I can design a randy fruit basket for a bachelorette party and that is where I draw the line. No funny stuff with bananas. That’s not the kind of business I run.

But none of that was what I was going to say and none of that is my imitation of me. My imitation of me is as follows. Oh and by the way this is my imitation of me while working on the new design for the blog with Andrew Mager who is awesome:

Hey so do you think we could try this photo instead?
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Wait, what about this one?

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Hm, I thought I would like that one but what about this one?

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Hm, what do you think? Let’s try this one.

n555066719_1953601_377223Don’t hate me but could we try this one?

picture-1I don’t know what I want to see there, can you make a collage? Of all of them? But not that one? How about this one?

picture-3Wait, what about this one?

GOD DAMMIT WHERE IS THAT DUCKLING PHOTO? This is all MARGE’S fault.

Oh, you haven’t gotten up to pee all day and your butt just fell asleep? Ok, how about one more quick thing? How about just this photo?

And by that what I mean to say is that if you’re working with me you get to see a lot of photos of me and that is truly its own reward.

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Pics from Friday's Red Eye and other stuff


Here’s where I said that I think ducklings are cute.

And then here’s where I said that I used to hate bell peppers but now I like them, can you believe it?

And then here’s where I said that I’m drinking coffee out of a new mug which is sort of low and wide and has polka dots on it and after I bought it I found out that it’s not a coffee mug at all, it’s an “ice cream mug.” I’m using it for coffee anyway because I don’t play by the rules.


And then here’s where I said that while scientists inventing a glow in the dark puppy is somewhat cool, it’s yet another example of science being out of step with public demand because have they made any progress on a time machine?

But see, I actually think I have a pretty good understanding of the significance of this transgenic dog—and it has very little to do with the fact that it glows in the dark, and everything to do with the fact that they took something from a sea anemone and put it into a dog and got it to act the same way in a dog that it does in a sea anemone (i.e. glow) and this has huge ramifications for one day doing stuff like taking the genetic material that produces my lustrous hair and putting it in a dog and then creating a dog with amazing Alison hair and then studying it. And maybe I should have talked about that instead of time travel? I just don’t want people playing God with my hair though.

Oh, and when did all this G.D. business start? In my day we just said God Damn. Or Golly Gee. Or Gee Willikers. Or For Fuck’s Sake.

Also, I think I’m becoming a regular at a restaurant in my neighborhood and the last time I went I mentioned to Dustin that I was considering ordering the same thing I always order (braised loafer with pennies) and maybe I should branch out and he said that I could become a “regular” ordering my “regular” and I’ve never been one of those! Maybe it’s time? Then of course I entertained ideas of being an eccentric old lady who always comes into this restaurant and sits at a certain table and orders a certain thing and does something eccentric. What would it be though? I’d have to be small and unassuming probably, yet have contributed something notable to culture such as a series of detective novels featuring a female detective and her companion who happens to be a gecko with paranormal insight. What’s that called when a witch has an animal that has powers? Her second? Her minor? Her… um… hold while I consult with my friend, the internet. Her familiar! Yes, that’s what I mean.

Do I have other things to share with you at this time? Hm. On twitter I’ve been posting links to dogs I’m falling in love with. Here are two, however don’t let that stop you from following me on twitter because I base my self-worth on my follower numbers.

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