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Here I am on Red Eye

While in New York I appeared on a show I used to frequently guest on, Red Eye. It was super fun and made me miss the old days, though I love the new days. I just wrote a couple more sentences and deleted them. Anyway! I found this video online of the recent Red Eye episode. Also, unrelated:  Adam Carolla is getting some guff because of recent comments he made about women not being all that funny. I know he thinks I’m funny so therefore I’ve deduced he doesn’t think I’m a woman.

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Photos, potatoes, skeeball, live shows, Doug Benson's helpful hints

Here are some recent photos:

Here’s the stage where we did the live show last week. Because I was worried about falling as I tried to get onto/into the chair, I actually did a dry run upstairs before the show, getting in and out of the chair three times. I only wish I were kidding.

Here I am with Adam looking kind of doughy/squishy faced. Frankly I’ve seen better photos of my face. Also, I can’t remember who took this photo.

Here I am with Doug Benson, who was the guest on that night’s live show podcast. Boy were we high except for me. On stage I told the story of going to Disneyland with Doug and him suggesting we don’t tweet that we’re there together so as to see if our followers figured it out but the real story is that we went to Disneyland while I was auditioning for the Adam Carolla gig and most of what we talked about that day was Adam and the job. Doug gave me lots of tips:

1. Put your feet on the couch

2. Bring your dog

3. Shit on Adam’s points

3. a. Shit on Adam’s couch

4. Fuck “yes, and…”

5. Try “No, but anyway…”

6. Apply your lipstick directly to the coffee mug

7. Be yourself!

8. Just have fun with it!

9. Be prepared.

10. For an earthquake (bring a tarp and flares)

11. Peanut butter!

12. Depeche Mode = BEST BAND EVER

13. Yeah you are!

14. Just didn’t want to end on the number 13 even though I’m not superstitious

15. With the exception of opening umbrellas indoors. When I see people open umbrellas indoors I always wonder why they’re endangering me. Nothing spinning a few times to the left and yelling “quark!” won’t fix though.

16. No ending lists or waking up on zeroes or fives either, for that matter.

This is “Bowler Roller,” the game I’m strangely good at that we talked about on the show. Adam thought I was talking about Skee-ball, which I SO WASN’T, but then I mentioned that I’d played on a competitive skeeball league. I also filed a news story about it for NBC when I lived in New York. It’s on the end of my reel.

But back to skeeball, I was on a team with my sister and our friend Rob and our name was Skesus H. Christ. We wore crowns of thorns which my sister, who is super crafty, crafted out of leather cord. Lest you don’t believe me, here’s a photo:

We were really good by the second or third season and we made the finals or the championships or whatever the big tournament at the end is but then we didn’t win and then we played for one more season but I started losing interest and realized I enjoyed the knowledge that I was a on a skeeball team more than actually being on the team. Fun fact? Bill Schulz from Red Eye was also on a team (Tits McSkee) with Laura Leu, whom some of you may know. (I thought of her the other day because I was talking about Farmer’s Cheese and I said I think it’s similar to curds and she’s kind of the queen of curds.) (UPDATE: Laura Leu has contacted me to let me know in no uncertain terms that Farmer’s cheese and curds are entirely different things and she’s insulted I would even make such a proclamation.) (ANOTHER UPDATE: regarding the whole skeeball costume thing… it seemed like a good idea at the time and we were much less garish about it than a lot of the teams, preferring instead to let our unbridled athleticism speak for itself.)(And lastly, it was really an activity/social scene made for drinking and I wasn’t drinking as of a few weeks prior maybe, so I always felt removed from the whole thing which is a feeling I often feel anyway, with intermittent notable exceptions.)

And here’s today’s episode with Jim Florentine which features all the potatoes, burping and hate-fucking you’ve come to expect.

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My new smile

This is my new smile. What do you guys think?

Note: If anyone thinks I am genuinely asking you if you like my new smile and also thinks  the above photo actually is my new smile you are clearly some kind of newcomer to this blog and to all that is me because anyone who’s been coming to this blog for any amount of time knows my smile is both winning and fetching and can light up a room so much so that it suggests I have a sunny and friendly disposition which is actually far from the truth, seeing as my personality is like that of a potato bug so basically what I’m saying is the above photo is funny because I look like I’m holding in a fart and also, I’m very beautiful and potato bugs have great personalities.

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I mentioned this on Twitter last night but just wanted to make sure you guys know that anyone can make highlights on the Ustream videos so if you have a favorite part of an episode that you want everyone to see, feel free to get on in there and designate it!

Also, just wanted to send a big special thank you to all of you for being so awesome in both the funny and the more serious moments.

Picture of a duckling? Ok!

Picture of me on Red Eye from the collection of pictures on my desktop which I haven’t yet put on my blog? Ok!

Look how emphatic I am! Feisty!

Another? Fine, if you insist.

And by the way, that shirt is green, not blue. I don’t know why it looks blue.

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Recent photos

Here I am in the green room before Red Eye


Here  I am in another green room during the taping of  Red Eye when Dr. Baden was doing his segment and they were all, “Hey Alison, get the hell out of here.” “Fine,” I replied ruefully. “I’ll go take a photo of myself in the green room.” Then I cursed them mightily up and down. They were none the wiser.


And then after the show I was going to go home but next thing I knew I was at a party. Here’s Laura Leu.


And here’s Lauren Sivan.


And then here I am behind but also next to Bill Schulz.


Ooh look, an accordion which to feature prominently in an upcoming segment on my Ustream show when aforementioned Laura Leu who plays a mean squeezebox gives me a lesson!


And then here’s one of my new plants which still needs a name.

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Some shots from Friday's Red Eye

Here I am in the green room before Red Eye

Here I am saying something really intelligent.

Here I am about to lay into someone about something.

Here I am making some kind of gesture. (Seriously. I didn’t even know this was in my repertoire!)

Here I am doing a cartwheel.

Here I am showing off my homemade preserves.

Here I am in the car on the way home.

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