Last week Dustin showed up to the show dressed as “the future of TV” which is silly because everyone knows that’s what I am. I, meanwhile, was wearing glasses because it’s the only way a hot dish like me can be taken seriously.
Here’s where we had words. Not really but I kind of like this photo because it looks like the kind of photo you’d find in the program of a really crappy musical.
photo by Eric Fischer
Okay so there’s one more photo. Actually there are a lot more, like a zillion more, but there’s one more (above) that I should probably include with the others I posted last night however I have this weird hangup about the right side of my face—I think the left side is more attractive. Unfortunately I didn’t quite realize how strongly I felt about this, in fact I thought maybe it was something I could get over, but now I realize it’s not a fleeting neurosis, it’s a permanent one. This must be how Phantom of the Opera felt!
Perhaps you are thinking, “But many of these photos are taken from the right side,” and yes, this is true, however what I don’t like seeing from that angle is on display more so in the above photo than the others, and yet I also recognize it’s a good photo. Sort of like if you have a shirt which is orange and it’s a perfectly good shirt and you just happen not to like orange.
Sometimes I feel like the world is full of fun house mirrors because the truth is I don’t really know what I look like. My own sense of my looks is very wiggly, and yes I realize wiggly is not exactly the word I’m going for. The first time I ever saw myself on TV I was enormously relieved because I really liked the way I looked—as in I felt I looked a million times more normal than I feared I might—because I think I had this hidden fear that I looked freakish. I realize these feelings aren’t quite in accordance with reality, but they’re stronger and deeper than the visual cues which, like I’m saying, are wiggly. And I’ve always said that if I hadn’t like how I looked on TV that first time I probably wouldn’t have wanted to continue doing it. The handful of times I’ve been unhappy with TV appearances are so unpleasant that if that was the norm–if going on TV was a hardship or something I had to really psych myself up for—like having surgery or going to Kinko’s, say—I’d never put myself through it. Instead it’s validating, which I realize suggests some deep schism or emptiness inside me which is setting me up for never feeling contented later in life, but I’d argue that everyone who puts him or herself in the public eye to a degree is dealing with some combination of these feelings deep inside.
I should add though that I don’t think about this stuff all the time—when I do my Ustream show I often do it without makeup and I trust that I’ll look fine and how I look isn’t really the point anyway. It’s more like all the above feelings are in me somewhere and periodically they flare up.
Also, thank you for all your comments last night! Something weird is happening with the blog where when you click on the permalinks for the photos posts (as opposed to viewing them from the alisonrosen.com/blog URL) all the photos aren’t showing up so I just want to make sure when you indicated which ones you liked you were seeing all of them. There should have been 11 photos in all (6 in the red sweater and 5 in the black shirt).
Let me know if this changes anything!
And yes I realize there is a world outside of me and my face however I’ve spent some time in it and frankly: not that impressed.
Oh and in other news, I’m going to get my dad on Twitter! Should he be JohnRosen, PapaRosen, AlisonsDad or something else?
Oh and also also, I watched Up In The Air last night. I liked it! And then I was thinking that for most people it’s probably this weird bit of trivia that George Clooney was in Facts of Life however for me, since I’m freakishly well acquainted with FOL, when I see him onscreen I just think, “Well, good for George The Handyman!”
This is part 2. If you just got here, scroll down to part 1!
Here are more photos from my shoot with Eric Fischer. Let me know which are your favorites!
Here are more shots from my photoshoot with Eric Fischer (including the two I originally posted). Which ones are your favorites? Let me know which ones I should have him retouch and make awesomer (I’m hoping he’ll give me a cleft chin, goatee and blond highlights.)
Care to hear all about my weekend? I’m pretty sure you would. First of all I filmed a pilot for a new show which is totally top secret and I could probably be killed for even posting this, that’s how top secret it is. Not really, but it’s secret. But not death-level secret. Just some slight maiming or maybe a harsh look.
Here I am smiling.
Here I am not smiling.
Here I am getting my makeup and hair done. Or did. No, done. Did? DAMMIT, SLANG!
Here I am with Mike Zegen from Rescue Me. We are against a green screen. I hope they use it to make it look like we’re flying or surrounded by ducklings.
And then after the shoot I went over to my sister’s because she was having a party. While there I took some pictures of her pictures. That’s me, my dad and my sister in the 1870s. We’d just traveled by covered wagon. I was in the navy, though I was very young. My dad wore rust colored pants so the enemy wouldn’t spot him in a cranberry bog. And my sister was involved in high-level baby espionage.
Here’s me wearing all sorts of rings as was the style back then.
And then after the party I came home and looked at this year’s Tobey calendar.
And don’t forget to see me on Red Eye tonight and watch my Ustream show tomorrow with Michael Showalter!
Here I am in the green room before Red Eye
Here I am saying something really intelligent.
Here I am about to lay into someone about something.
Here I am making some kind of gesture. (Seriously. I didn’t even know this was in my repertoire!)
Here I am doing a cartwheel.
Here I am showing off my homemade preserves.
Here I am in the car on the way home.
During last night’s live show, which was super duper awesome, my mom and dad and Tobey and I were on screen and my dad (I think it was my dad?) made a comment about how we looked like a Christmas card and so I suggested we all pose. Guess Tobey had better things to do? He’s a diva, that one. Anyway, Ted made this card which is pretty great. Thought you might enjoy it.