Last week Dustin showed up to the show dressed as “the future of TV” which is silly because everyone knows that’s what I am. I, meanwhile, was wearing glasses because it’s the only way a hot dish like me can be taken seriously.
Here’s where we had words. Not really but I kind of like this photo because it looks like the kind of photo you’d find in the program of a really crappy musical.
Here I am in the green room before Red Eye
Here I am saying something really intelligent.
Here I am about to lay into someone about something.
Here I am making some kind of gesture. (Seriously. I didn’t even know this was in my repertoire!)
Here I am doing a cartwheel.
Here I am showing off my homemade preserves.
Here I am in the car on the way home.
There are loads of photos that have been sitting on my phone or computer that I’ve been meaning to put on this blog and I think the time is now.
Here’s my mom and Tobey from when I was in California for Thanksgiving. Isn’t he cute? There is only one answer.
Here’s the beach. Isn’t it beachy? There is only one answer. (more…)
Some photos from Wednesday’s Red Eye? Well, if you insist.
Here I am smiling even though my sweater is clearly fitting in a strange bunchy way. Also I’m smiling because with the delay I know that the camera is going to go to me before I’m aware it’s gone to me and so I figure it’s best if my default expression is a smile.
Or this look which yells, “Hi, I’m a good sport. Hit me with whatever you got!” but whispers, “There’s a delay and I can’t really tell what’s going on so I’m just going to make this face.”
And then here I went scuba diving and saw a star fish!
And then we went to the Grand Canyon and I got married.
Here I am smiling.
So I’m overdue in posting some photos. The above is a green room shot from Geraldo. It’s actually a makeup room in the green room shot. Note the wee Josh Groban behind me.
Oh and here’s the world’s ugliest red-or-is-it-green pepper. Do you see it? If I knew how to put arrows into photos I’d do that but let’s see here. If you aren’t seeing it, it’s directly to the left of the cabbage heads in the middle row. I don’t think this photo quite captures its horrifying freak of nature quality. It looked like it had a green tongue sticking out of it. And then when I went to snap a photo I’m pretty sure one of the grocery store guys took off to alert the boss in the back that there was some kind of vegetable narc on the premises. That’s fine. I’m kind of a vigilante vegetable narc. I make a citizen’s arrest of this pepper. Do not stare directly at this pepper.
And this is why late nights are confusing lately. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m too fired up about the pepper to really think about whether this is the sign that captures the confusion or not however basically it’s very easy to misread these signs (there are a few different ones) and end up standing on a platform for a train that’s never coming which isn’t a metaphor but when it happens to you it’s impossible not to feel like it’s a sign of how you’re living your life, instead of a sign about how you misread or don’t read signs, which is also a sign.
And then here’s Billy and me.
And here’s Doug Benson and me. We were totally baked in this photo except for me. Thanks to his being in town I saw two plays and a comedy show last week. Left to my own devices I might have just taken photos of atrocious vegetables.
Oh and kind of related by not entirely but kind of: I’m trying to get the word out about The Daily Alison so if you enjoy it please tell your friends and if you don’t enjoy it, please try to enjoy it. No, try harder!
Did you see it? Here’s a green room shot that I uploaded to twitpic. I could say more but I’m tired. Maybe I’ll talk about it more on my daily vlog tomorrow? I bet I will. I will however say that after the hit (that’s TV talk for “appearance”) it was all I could do not to eat the trough of carbohydates that were sitting in the green room because I was hungry and they were there. Instead of eating the whole palette of them I just picked at a muffin that tasted strangely brothy. “This muffin tastes like soup,” I thought to myself, wondering if there are soup muffins. But it was sort of sweet at the same time. Like a sweet chicken muffin, which would be a great nickname for someone you don’t like all that much.
Hey you guys. Don’t be scared by the new design. I’m still the same old gal except now my name is Debra and I enjoy putting together fruit baskets. Not eating them, cuz I’m watching my carbs, but designing them. Edible bouquets, I call them. Sometimes other gals will ring me up, you know, on the old telly and I’ll be like MARGE it’s for you because I always assume when someone’s buzzing us on the horn that it’s gonna be for MARGE because she’s popular and spells her name in all caps. MARGE I say, yelling at the top of my lungs, PICK UP THE PHONE. She never does though because she died four years ago. Bet you didn’t see that coming. Frankly I didn’t either. I thought she was still in the other room painting her toenails and being a royal pain in the ass with the way she’s always talking about Italy.
Anyway, so Ma Bell is just blowing up and no one’s answering. Who could that be giving us a jingle jangle? Who’s buzzing? What the hell was I talking about? Dammit I forget. Oh yes, sometimes ladies will give me the old honkaroo wondering if I can design a randy fruit basket for a bachelorette party and that is where I draw the line. No funny stuff with bananas. That’s not the kind of business I run.
But none of that was what I was going to say and none of that is my imitation of me. My imitation of me is as follows. Oh and by the way this is my imitation of me while working on the new design for the blog with Andrew Mager who is awesome:
Hey so do you think we could try this photo instead?
Wait, what about this one?
Hm, I thought I would like that one but what about this one?
Hm, what do you think? Let’s try this one.
Don’t hate me but could we try this one?
I don’t know what I want to see there, can you make a collage? Of all of them? But not that one? How about this one?
Wait, what about this one?
GOD DAMMIT WHERE IS THAT DUCKLING PHOTO? This is all MARGE’S fault.
Oh, you haven’t gotten up to pee all day and your butt just fell asleep? Ok, how about one more quick thing? How about just this photo?
And by that what I mean to say is that if you’re working with me you get to see a lot of photos of me and that is truly its own reward.
More photos you guys! It’s truly a banner Saturday for you!