Greetings, my little Sno-Kones. Yesterday I’d whipped up a frothy blog post, but I couldn’t post it because our website was being revamped, and so now you’ll have to willingly suspend your disbelief, because I’m posting this from inside the confines of Time Out, seeing as I wasn’t ever picked for a jury, but I wrote it from inside the jury factory. All righty then:
Well, I’m back, my little legal eagles. Not back to the blog, though that’s true, but back to 100 Centre Street where I’m currently sitting in the hall because the jury room is full and the jury lunch room is full and this building is like a giant monster that burps jurors into hall and then swallows them again. That was disgusting. This morning there was a lengthy roll call and everyone said “here” except one person said “right here” and one said “that’s me.” No one said “present” or “yo.” I thought of asserting my funky uniqueness by answering in an unorthodox fashion, but decided against it. Actually, I didn’t really ever consider it, I just amused myself with various scenarios because that’s what one does while fulfilling her civic duty. (Duty! Hahahahahahahahahaha.)
Incidentally, I think my brain is atrophying, but on the upside I’ve made a friend: the court employee who walks up and down the hall. We exchanged heartfelt greetings today, but then later when I went to the bathroom, I only gave him a half smile, because I just didn’t feel like getting too chummy, you know? Then I overthought that for a good ten minutes. I figure the rest of my morning looks like finishing up this post, going to the bathroom a few more times because I really enjoy the liquid soap (it’s delicious!) and then maybe standing in front of the vending machines and zoning out. Then I’ll probably throw a book at myself, take a few oaths, send myself up to Attica, liberally toss about the term “prison bitch” and then plead out.
UPDATE: Court employee and I had a heartfelt good-bye when I was released, and we made plans to see each other again in six years. I kind of miss him already.