Archive | if I drew cartoons

So you know how there are those cartoons in the New Yorker which are droll and whimsical and you read them and chuckle and then there are ones that are certainly whimsical but you don’t really get them and there seems not even to be a punch line and you wonder if maybe they aren’t cartoons at all but some kind of illustration that goes with the story? Except the story is about the evolution of the home washing machine and the picture is a man looking at his watch and saying out of the corner of his mouth, to another man “Well, I guess that about answers it.”

Anyway, the following cartoon is somewhere in the middle of the two.

A guy dressed as a pirate would be saying to another guy. “Yeah, I wrote all about it on Grogspot.com.”

Wow, the amount of self-loathing I feel right now is hard to put into words. When puns go bad…

So I just now, just a few moments ago thought of ANOTHER idea for a New Yorker cartoon. I swear people, sometimes my mind is so fertile it’s scary. It’s like I have manure between my ears!

If I drew cartoons for The New Yorker I would draw one of a bunch of construction men loudly hammering a sign (or somehow installing a sign but clearly whatever they’re doing is making a gigantic racket) and the sign would say “Quiet Please.”

Not to state the painfully obvious, but if they’d just gone with “Blue Cheese,” they would have avoided all this controversy.

If I drew cartoons for The New Yorker and I was doing one around the time MAD magazine launched (or in its heyday) I would do one of a mouse made to look like ALfred E. Newman and it would say “What, me scurry?” If this also happened to coincide with a particularly bad rodent problem in the city, that would be ideal.

If I drew cartoons for The New Yorker, not only would I do these, but I would draw one of a hunk of chedder telling an obscene joke and the caption would be “Blue Cheese.” I can’t decide whether it should be a very animated wheel of cheese or if it should be a hunk of cheese dressed up like Andrew Dice Clay standing on a stage in front of a brick wall doing dirty standup. As if the cheese is working blue.

I guess I’ll leave that up to the cartoonists.