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Archive | fan mail

A really nice email I received about ARIYNBF

I have a file on my computer which I’ve labeled “Fan Mail” because sometimes I receive emails from people which are so nice that I want to be able to quickly find them to re-read them when I’m feeling down or I want to put them on my blog which I never do, even though I always intend to do so. I think I’m really going to start though. Here’s one I received yesterday which I read out loud to my parents and which meant a lot to me.


I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed today’s show. I love your dad. He is always a great addition to the show. I love his sense of humor and the way the two of you interact with one another.

There were a couple touching moments today that really had me thinking how lucky it is that I found your show. It made me realize the great connection you have with your fans.

I don’t think you could do this show if you did not care about people. For the handful of haters today… I don’t know if they know how good we have it,

where we can come and hang out and blow off some steam for a couple of hours each week. I feel sad for them. It’s always a few that try to spoil it for the rest right?

Maybe they don’t have the emotional content to allow themselves to enjoy life’s simple pleasures? So I just want you to know how much joy your show brings to my life each week.

I hope you had a great time with your family and friends on your trip to California.

Have a safe journey back to NY.

I really hate to fly!


Jason Colacchia

Huntington Beach

Also wanted to say I appreciate the time and energy you put in your show.

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Telling Facebook Status Update

Yes, I became a fan of myself. Here is the thing though, I actually did it because I’m trying to figure out how to easily post video to my various pages. I have my regular Facebook page and then I have my public “celebrity” page which I’m now a fan of and then I have the Facebook fan group. When I go to the fan group page and want to add video I can easily select videos I’ve already uploaded to my regular Facebook page, thus cutting down on the hours long uploading process. When I go to my public “celeb” page though I don’t have that option, I can only upload or record new video. Hence I thought perhaps becoming a fan would allow me to post video as a fan. Wait! Maybe I didn’t ok fan uploads. Hm.

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Please recognize me

So it’s come to my attention that my ex-boyfriend who has been featured in some of those A&E Bios that I’ve also been in was recognized by a waiter over the weekend. How do I feel about this? I’m glad I asked. You might think I would be slightly disgruntled that he was recognized and I never am when I’ve literally been on TV 8 million times (no, literally! I counted!) but see, that’s not how I am. I don’t do it for the recognition. I do it for the adulation. Also, all the sex. I can count how many times I’ve been recognized on one hand and not just any hand but a hand that is missing all its fingers and also its thumb. I can count the times on a stump. Does this bother me? Again, you are getting the wrong idea there pal about what’s important to me. The children are important. My hair is important. People thinking highly of me, especially people I don’t know, is important. Being treated slightly better than a regular person. All that is important to me. But having someone lavish praise on me in public? Only some kind of asshole would enjoy that. It’s for this reason that the times that I’ve been standing next to Red Eye guys and they’ll get recognized by someone who goes on to say that they watch the show ALL THE TIME and then I’ll kind of preen and stand there waiting for them to notice me and then it doesn’t happen, and sometimes they’ll actually tell me how great the show is, like informing me about the show in case I don’t know, like I am one of them, instead of one of not them, well I find it incredibly humbling that I can pass for just a regular person. It’s very satisfying.

And just in case you’re thinking that in real life maybe I look different than I do on TV… the above has happened on nights when I’ve done the show. Meaning I look exactly like I do on TV, minus the TV screen around my head which I’m totally going to start wearing. But that’s not the only change I’m going to make:

1) I’m going to don recognizable glasses.
2) I’m going to print up this blog and hand it out at concerts and stick it on windshields under wiper blades
3) I’m going to begin hanging out on Long Island, where people watch A&E Bios and recognize you
4) I’m going to be the best me I can be
5) If it will somehow help me get stuff I want
6) I’m going to try to pretend more that I’m really listening when other people talk but GOD, so hard!
7) I’m going to buy Alleve because I’m almost out
8) I’m going to get to the bottom of the difference between sugar free cherry jello and sugar free black cherry jello because it’s keeping me up at night
9) I’m going to quit lying
10) I never lie
11) shit!
12) I’m going to think more about puppies and ducklings because they’re my favorite

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Fan Mail!

subject: saw you on M&J

body: so dunb [sic] it hurts. please stop speaking in public.


My thoughts: It’s funny because I’m insecure about a lot of things but whether I’m “dunb” or not isn’t one of them. In fact, it’s so much not one of them that I almost think it’s plucky and perhaps splashy and maybe a little zany if I’m coming across that way on TV. Sometimes I wish I could be dunb! A dunb person would have a couch already, you know? Because imgnorance is bliss.

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What It's Like When a Big Celebrity Visits The Gym

Some people are probably wondering if the fame is going to my head so I’m writing the following to assure you that I’m exactly the same as before. I still have my assistant put on my pants one leg at a time.

What It’s Like When A Big Celebrity Visits The Gym

So I’m at the gym right now, working on my already amazing physique (just calling it as I see it because it’s humbling to be honest and it keeps me grounded to remember where I came from: an above average background in every sense, again just having the courage to be honest). People are being really cool and not mobbing me. In fact they respect me so much, which I really appreciate, that they aren’t even acting like they recognize me at all from my many accomplishments in a number of areas which I would detail for you here but I don’t want you to think I’m bragging.

I mean, here is the thing, when you are possessing as many natural talents as I am you really learn quickly that you have to be careful to come across as humble, like by reminding people you’re humble, because otherwise you run the risk of people thinking you believe your own hype (even if its true as it is in my case), which brings me back to my point about how I really have the best fans because they’re just letting me work on my award-winning body in peace. I don’t even hear any whispering.

Actually, when I took a cell phone call on the treadmill earlier people were whispering because they probably recognized my voice from my extensive voiceover work in feature films and commercials. Well actually I guess I should say that I didn’t take a call, I placed one, to my manager, calling her back. Or rather following up on a call I’d placed earlier. To someone I want to be my manager. About getting some voiceover work. Have you heard my voice? If you were anywhere in the vicinity of the gym when I fell off the treadmill because I got distracted when I was dialing, you probably did. And thank you for looking the other way. Yes I could have used a hand getting back up, and a band-aid (the bleeding wasn’t profuse, a few stitches and I was as good as new) but I can see where you would be afraid to approach a big celebrity who has injured herself because you don’t want to embarrass her. But honey it takes worse things than that to embarrass me.

I remember when I had a role as ‘atmosphere’ (but atmosphere that was super important to moving the plot line forward. In fact the director told me that I was like the best he’d ever seen at looking like I was actually in a restaurant drinking a cappuccino) in a big Hollywood blockbuster and my pants fell off, okay yes I actually took them off, it’s a long story but I’ve been to rehab since which was also humbling and I’m hoping to publish my courageous tale of courage and bravery in the face of being humbled and then maybe a reality show, who knows!!!! πŸ™‚

So where was I? Oh yeah, I was saying that when famous people like me and brit and linds and my good friend scarlett who sent me an email earlier today (asking me to stop emailing her, I assume because she wants me to just call) go out in public to premieres or awards shows or the gym, it can be really tough because we get mobbed so that’s why I feel fortunate that people are just treating me like a ‘regular person’ (sounds so gay to say that!!!! Right?’ LOL πŸ˜‰ wait not gay bad! πŸ™‚ don’t you put words in my mouth! okay and anywayβ€”

Okay I seem to have fallen again. Don’t worry, I’m okay. Thank you for not drawing attention. It’s humbling. It kinds of hurts though. Does anyone know if legs are supposed to bend this way? Anyone? Hello? A celebrity needs help here!

(Note to my parents who sometimes worry: I am actually at the gym. I didn’t really fall. The above is satire. This disclaimer is humbling.)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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I get hate mail!

Or at least, un-fan mail (hope this doesn’t make me quit TONY!)

TONY, I love you, but I can’t keep quiet any longer: Please, please stop using Alison Rosen to conduct interviews for the Hot Seat. She is an immature, self-serving interviewer who brings out the worst in her subjects. I love Hot Seat and turn to it right away, but I dread seeing her name attached. TONY is already fun and edgy; Rosen’s adolescent, baiting interviewing skills drag the calibre of TONY down to that of a vapid gossip mag. For the sake of TONY– and its formidable interview subjects– please don’t let her near the Hot Seat.


E. Lowe, NYC

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