Check It Out:
We're Now on PATREON! Go There Now Also, I wrote a thing! Read It Now

Archive | alarms alarming

That super long ring before it goes to voicemail

You know when you call someone and it rings four or five times and then it rings a sixth time and you think the ring is about to stop but then it redoubles its effort really rings like it means it and then goes to voicemail? What is that? Is that the ringer giving up? Or is that the ringer giving you attitude? Like “FINE! Have it your way! I’ll put you through to voice mail.”

This is not to be confused with the ring that lets you know you’re interrupting someone’s call: That weird high pitched tone at the end of each ring which makes you think maybe you should hang up because you know they’re on a call and they know you know.

Anyway, if I ever do stand up comedy again perhaps I’ll make the above funny. Has anyone done anything on phone rings? Am I ripping off Seinfeld? I’d really rather not be.

Wait, I have one more thing to say about rings and ring tones. I had to change all my phones to regular sounding ring tones and my alarm to a beeping sound because my brain is an evil sponge which grasps a few bars of melody and then replays them over and over and over and I couldn’t stand my personal soundtrack being “Calypso.” It was like I was trapped in a Girls Gone Wild commercial. I think maybe I already wrote about this? Well, it’s still true though.

Continue Reading 0


is not the word I’d use to describe the roof alarm which has been alarming since I got home a little while ago. When I first walked into my apartment I thought “hey, it’s not so loud in here,” but it’s slowly become louder and louder over the sound of me not wanting to hear it.

Continue Reading 0

Site: Todd Jackson | Art Direction: Josh Holtsclaw | Original Logo: Kezilla | Show Music: Tom Rapp