I’ve been reading excerpts of my faux pregnancy memoir, What I’d Expect if I Were Expecting on The Adam Carolla Show. The idea grew out of an on air discussion we were having about how the best time to write a memoir would be before the event you’re recalling, because that’s when you really have the time to knock out a book.
Due to the popularity of WIEIIWE, I’m now also working on my addiction/recovery memoir since there’s that old adage in publishing that you have your whole life to write your first book and only a year or two to write your second. Frankly there’s no way I can squeeze a lifetime of imaginary drug abuse into only a couple years.
A lot of people have asked if there’s a place they can go to read these excerpts. The short answer at this point is No. The long answer is Noooooooooooooo. But I’ve decided to put a few of them on my blog. Here is the first one:
Excerpt from What I’d Expect if I Were Expecting, Chapter 1: Could I Be Pregnant?
…After months and months of not getting my period and being all fat, I began to wonder, could I be pregnant? It was the last thing I expected——me??? pregnant???— but the signs were all there. Unprotected sex some months before? Check. Morning sickness? Try morning, afternoon and evening sickness! Weird cravings? I’d eaten a pencil and two dry erase boards only moments before. My doctor pointing out the fetal heart rate on the fetal heart rate monitor? I made a mental note to pick up a pregnancy test on my way home from the bar…
Upcoming chapters include:
“What’s Up With My Areolas?”
“I Hope They Serve Ice Chips In Hell”
“What Do You Mean I Can’t Give Birth Underwater Surrounded By Dolphins?”