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I need your award-winning cookie recipes (AKA orgy at the cookie party)

You guys, I’m going to a cookie party and I need an award-winning cookie recipe.

A cookie party, for those unfamiliar, is where a bunch of bored suburbanites get together and eat cookies and then have sex with each other and then eat more cookies. In between all the crazy sex, or instead of it really, there will be a cookie contest and I pretty much need to win it because I’m a sore loser. In 1983 I won a trophy for “good sportsmanship” at tennis camp and I took it and smashed it into a million little pieces because what I  heard was “here’s your trophy for shitty tennis playing.” And then when I was 10 I came in fourth place or maybe sixth place in pony showmanship at the  horrible summer camp I went to and actually I didn’t care at all, I just wanted to get the hell out of that camp and I was sick of the way the pony kept pushing me into chain link fences (truly. the pony wasn’t “broken” entirely which is upsetting terminology but that’s the language of equestrian whatnot. Anyway, this short but spirited four legged menace was half wild pony and half demon and it kept pushing me into various obstacles on our walk from the barn to the show ring) which is to say I was surprised I placed and won a ribbon at all.

And then before I won some first place press club awards for my writing I won some second and third place awards which are dead to me.

I think you see what I’m driving at: I need some dynamic cookies. Cookies that are charismatic and win you over and possibly perform feats of amazing carbohydrate wonder. What if I told you this cookie could peck out yankee doodle on a tiny piano? Exactly.

So if you happen to be sitting on a recipe do send that over or put it in the comments, won’t you?

And allow me to come clean on two fronts: I didn’t really smash the good sportsmanship trophy. And there probably won’t be an orgy at the cookie party.

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  • eigafan

    Mom always uses her old Betty Crocker cookbook recipe for Sugar Cookies. But you may want to try this Sweet as Sugar Cookies Splenda recipe instead. Sugar Cookies in Christmas cookie cutter shapes (Christmas Tree, Star, Santa Claus) should evoke sweet childhood memories and win people over.

  • boinkity

    Now I am having naughty thoughts of Cookie Monster being defiled by all those Mah Na Mah Na muppets.

  • Ted_Goodlove

    No cookies but I have a Mad Lib created by RosenFans:

    “A Bed Time Story”

    Once upon a time in a place called Calgary, Alberta Canada there was a freaky Princess named Alison Rosen. Her kingdom was huge but her bewbies were bigger. She was beautiful from her large intestines to her ovaries.

    One day she saw a wobbly prince named Dr. Drew. He had a gigantic face and his cactus was over 222 feet long. As soon as her beavers touched his beehive, they fell in love. She felt a furry sensation rush through her butt. They were married in the Empire State Building the following day.

    Not long after, they had a baby. They named her Sandy Duncan because she looked like an Aardvark. They would lick her 69 times a day, so that her left patella tendon would be shiny and reddish.

    And they rolled happily ever after.

    —-

    Now that was no easy task….but fortunately, you have some great fans Alison….thanks to Boink, Trapp and Prototype Demo….I know Joe would have participated…so thanks to Joe as well (Alison is pinching me by the ear and forcing me to thank Joe).

    Peace out suckas!

  • boinkity

    Thanks Joe! (I suggested “bewbies” and “ovaries” and “Empire State Building”)

  • boinkity

    Now I am having naughty thoughts of Cookie Monster being defiled by all those Mah Na Mah Na muppets.

  • Ted_Goodlove

    No cookies but I have a Mad Lib created by RosenFans:

    “A Bed Time Story”

    Once upon a time in a place called Calgary, Alberta Canada there was a freaky Princess named Alison Rosen. Her kingdom was huge but her bewbies were bigger. She was beautiful from her large intestines to her ovaries.

    One day she saw a wobbly prince named Dr. Drew. He had a gigantic face and his cactus was over 222 feet long. As soon as her beavers touched his beehive, they fell in love. She felt a furry sensation rush through her butt. They were married in the Empire State Building the following day.

    Not long after, they had a baby. They named her Sandy Duncan because she looked like an Aardvark. They would lick her 69 times a day, so that her left patella tendon would be shiny and reddish.

    And they rolled happily ever after.

    —-

    Now that was no easy task….but fortunately, you have some great fans Alison….thanks to Boink, Trapp and Prototype Demo….I know Joe would have participated…so thanks to Joe as well (Alison is pinching me by the ear and forcing me to thank Joe).

    Peace out suckas!

  • boinkity

    Thanks Joe! (I suggested “bewbies” and “ovaries” and “Empire State Building”)

  • The PTDemo

    I like it!

    – The PTDemo

  • TrappDog

    Perfect! (Boink, you should have left it at, “I suggested Bewbies!” lol)

  • The PTDemo

    I like it!

    – The PTDemo

  • TrappDog

    Perfect! (Boink, you should have left it at, “I suggested Bewbies!” lol)

  • anonymous

    “Mix butter with sugar. Beat with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs and vanilla until well mixed. Add flour and baking powder and blend well. Wrap and refrigerate until well-chilled–3 hours or overnight. This is the very recipe that eliminated my friend in the famous culinary show TOp Chef, so no doubt you should win
    …………..”

  • anonymous

    “Mix butter with sugar. Beat with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs and vanilla until well mixed. Add flour and baking powder and blend well. Wrap and refrigerate until well-chilled–3 hours or overnight. This is the very recipe that eliminated my friend in the famous culinary show TOp Chef, so no doubt you should win
    …………..”

  • boinkity

    but I was really proud of “Empire State Building”

  • Ted_Goodlove

    You did fine Boink…I'm proud of your effort! Not everyone can get our sense of humor! Sadly, I'm too ashamed to say what I added!

  • TrappDog

    No doubt about it. Empire State Building is excellent. As a native NY-er, I've always loved the place. I'm even old enough to remember when it was still the tallest building in the nation. My own proudest addition to our creative effort was “wobbly”, although I didn't predict how great it was going to be used. “A wobbly prince named Dr. Drew” is hysterical.

  • boinkity

    but I was really proud of “Empire State Building”

  • Ted_Goodlove

    You did fine Boink…I’m proud of your effort! Not everyone can get our sense of humor! Sadly, I’m too ashamed to say what I added!

  • TrappDog

    No doubt about it. Empire State Building is excellent. As a native NY-er, I’ve always loved the place. I’m even old enough to remember when it was still the tallest building in the nation. My own proudest addition to our creative effort was “wobbly”, although I didn’t predict how great it was going to be used. “A wobbly prince named Dr. Drew” is hysterical.

  • boinkity

    but I was really proud of “Empire State Building”

  • Ted_Goodlove

    You did fine Boink…I'm proud of your effort! Not everyone can get our sense of humor! Sadly, I'm too ashamed to say what I added!

  • TrappDog

    No doubt about it. Empire State Building is excellent. As a native NY-er, I've always loved the place. I'm even old enough to remember when it was still the tallest building in the nation. My own proudest addition to our creative effort was “wobbly”, although I didn't predict how great it was going to be used. “A wobbly prince named Dr. Drew” is hysterical.

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