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Weight loss tips and tricks

1. Steal a tip from the stars! Don’t eat for 5000 hours prior to a big event.

2. Donate a kidney. Fill body cavity with lettuce or baby spinach.

3. Going to a party? Stick your belongings in a pita and use it as a stylish clutch. If you get hungry, nibble on your handbag. Your fear of having nowhere to stash your stuff will prevent you from overeating. Or splurge and stuff your items into whole wheat ravioli. Who’s that headturner reaching for her cell phone in her pasta?

4. Another party trick: Only eat what can fit comfortably on a cocktail table.

5. Practice this mantra: “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels… except food.”

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9 Responses to Weight loss tips and tricks

  1. boinkity August 6, 2009 at 8:58 pm #

    What is a cocktail table? *shrugs*

  2. Anonymous August 6, 2009 at 9:39 pm #

    ” Thanx for the tips, I think you made a part of the world anorexic now, hence FOR THE LOVE OF NANCY REDUX starring Tracey Gold or whatever's left of her …..”

  3. boinkity August 6, 2009 at 7:58 pm #

    What is a cocktail table? *shrugs*

  4. Anonymous August 6, 2009 at 8:39 pm #

    ” Thanx for the tips, I think you made a part of the world anorexic now, hence FOR THE LOVE OF NANCY REDUX starring Tracey Gold or whatever’s left of her …..”

  5. Joe August 7, 2009 at 5:41 am #

    6. Have that 5 pound goiter removed from your neck (only works for people who have 5 pound goiters on their necks).

    7. Exercise more. Try walking to the corner pizza joint to pick up that extra large, double cheese pie instead of having it delivered.

    8. Join a support group and have daily meeting at the local Dairy Queen.

    9. Look at yourself naked in a mirror (be sure to have a 15 gallon vomit bucket handy).

    10. Find a grossly overweight doctor. Even is you can't lose weight, you'll feel better at those 6 month checkups.

    11. Buy a Ronald McDonald dartboard (or one of those highly popular Joe McDonald dartboards).

  6. EC Gladstone August 7, 2009 at 3:31 am #

    At the risk of being shamelessly self-promoting…oh what the hell, all the kids are doing it: http://www.lasvegasweekly.com/news/2009/jul/16/man-vs-big-food/

  7. Joe August 7, 2009 at 4:41 am #

    6. Have that 5 pound goiter removed from your neck (note: only works for people who have 5 pound goiters on their necks).

    7. Exercise more. Try walking to the corner pizza joint to pick up that extra large, double cheese pie instead of having it delivered.

    8. Join a support group and have daily meetings at the local Dairy Queen.

    9. Look at yourself naked in a mirror (be sure to have a 15 gallon vomit bucket handy).

    10. Find a grossly overweight doctor. Even if you can’t lose weight, you’ll feel better at those 6 month checkups.

    11. Feel free to eat funnel cake — through a funnel.

    12. Buy a Ronald McDonald dartboard (or one of those highly popular Joe McDonald dartboards).

  8. EC Gladstone August 7, 2009 at 11:31 am #

    At the risk of being shamelessly self-promoting…oh what the hell, all the kids are doing it: http://www.lasvegasweekly.com/news/2009/jul/16/

  9. Joe August 7, 2009 at 12:41 pm #

    6. Have that 5 pound goiter removed from your neck (note: only works for people who have 5 pound goiters on their necks).

    7. Exercise more. Try walking to the corner pizza joint to pick up that extra large, double cheese pie instead of having it delivered.

    8. Join a support group and have daily meetings at the local Dairy Queen.

    9. Look at yourself naked in a mirror (be sure to have a 15 gallon vomit bucket handy).

    10. Find a grossly overweight doctor. Even if you can't lose weight, you'll feel better at those 6 month checkups.

    11. Feel free to eat funnel cake — through a funnel.

    12. Buy a Ronald McDonald dartboard (or one of those highly popular Joe McDonald dartboards).

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