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About the scriptwriting

As many of you know, I am trying to write a screenplay. A screenplay for television. No one says teleplay anymore according to a book I read called Read This Book If You Want To Feel Like You’re Actually Doing Something Productive on the Screenwriting Front However You Still Haven’t Written Shit, Asshole. When I saw it on the shelf I was like, “Now that’s a saucy title I can really get behind!” Then I gave myself a high five and tightened my side pony (it’s a side ponytail, not some other kind of adjunct equine creature or appliance or dance move. Although actually you could work on tightening your side pony and mean the dance move, I suppose. Maybe I’ll put that into one of my scripts!)

So but how is the script writing going, you ask, because you care. I’ll tell you, I respond, because I’m procrastinating.

NOT SO WELL!

Turns out I’m experiencing all those things that amateur writers—ones I scoff and roll my eyes at and look down upon and use to mop my brow from the sweat that builds up while I toil away on real writing assignments and whose fingers I often borrow to open the envelopes containing checks I receive from actual published magazine articles—experience. Or at least I think they experience it since it seems there’s a lot of literature out there about the fear of the blank page and blah blah blah writer’s room blah blah retreat blah discipline blah get up early blah I havent’ showered in three weeks.

I showered today actually, but spiritually I have dreadlocks.

Um, so where was I? Oh yes. Granted I’ve felt writer’s block before and there’s always a point when I’m facing a deadline where I want to cry and feel that life is unfair and feel that I’m probably the only soul who is awake on the planet and feel lonely and woe is me-ish and stuff, but I’m used to that. And it sucks. And if you happen to be a professional writer I’m wondering if you also go through that? I exchanged a couple emails with Louis Menand of The New Yorker once because he went to my college many years before I and he wrote something in The New Yorker about having to reread old articles he’d written before starting a new one to remind himself that he knows how to do that. I related, since I often do the same thing. Anyway, what was my point? Oh yes. I once exchanged emails with someone from The New Yorker.

But the discomfort I’m feeling trying to write a script is something new and horrendous. And the self-doubt is beyond description. Yesterday I ate my hand just for fun, that’s how nervous I was. I’m typing this whole thing with one hand. Just tapping away at the keys, one by one, embarrassed that I ate my whole hand in one sitting. Not only impractical but SO unladylike!

So now I have myriad first pages of scripts sitting on my computer and I’m thinking I should just write a book instead since that’s something I’m more comfortable with. But who knows. But I thought I might regale you with the first line of each of my scripts. Won’t that be fun? I THINK SO! Here we go. No context or character names. Just first lines. And please note, these are all separate scripts:

Coochie coochie coo. Coochie coo.

Welcome back to Omyra.

How was the audition?

Hi, I’m Amanda.

You know what we need?

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9 Responses to About the scriptwriting

  1. metalango August 25, 2009 at 4:55 pm #

    You Know what, I think You are freaking FUNNY!!,keep writing. 🙂

  2. metalango August 25, 2009 at 3:55 pm #

    You Know what, I think You are freaking FUNNY!!,keep writing. 🙂

  3. Ted_Goodlove August 25, 2009 at 8:51 pm #

    Dude don't you remember that script idea I sent you a long time ago…..arghhhh It would be so contemporary, unique and funny….you'd probably be able to sell the idea to a Spike TV….they are always looking for new and edgy ideas….

    If you don't remember the idea cuz you were stoned or suffering from amnesia….PM me.

  4. eigafan August 25, 2009 at 8:55 pm #

    It was a dark and stormy night…

  5. Ted_Goodlove August 25, 2009 at 7:51 pm #

    Dude don’t you remember that script idea I sent you a long time ago…..arghhhh It would be so contemporary, unique and funny….you’d probably be able to sell the idea to a Spike TV….they are always looking for new and edgy ideas….

    If you don’t remember the idea cuz you were stoned or suffering from amnesia….PM me.

  6. eigafan August 25, 2009 at 7:55 pm #

    It was a dark and stormy night…

  7. Joe August 26, 2009 at 8:13 am #

    Don't get discouraged, Alison. When I started my novel, all I could come up with was the first line:

    “Call me Ishmael.”

    But then after a few weeks I got a whale of an idea and the book became wildly popular. So don't give up!!

  8. Joe August 26, 2009 at 7:13 am #

    Don’t get discouraged, Alison. When I started my novel, all I could come up with was the first line:

    “Call me Ishmael.”

    But then after a few weeks I got a whale of an idea and the book became wildly popular. So don’t give up!!

  9. Joe August 26, 2009 at 3:13 pm #

    Don't get discouraged, Alison. When I started my novel, all I could come up with was the first line:

    “Call me Ishmael.”

    But then after a few weeks I got a whale of an idea and the book became wildly popular. So don't give up!!

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