The Annual Alison

I was musing today about myself and books, but more about myself, and I was thinking that I should write a book called The Twelve Days of Alison but then I was thinking that isn’t enough, it should be the 365 Days of Alison or maybe The Daily Alison and then I was thinking, hey, don’t put all the cans in one bag and all the bottles in the other, bag person, because I can’t carry that and what the hell? Did I neglect to mention I had these thoughts at the store? To be fair, she wasn’t really doing this, I just thought she might because it seems people who pack your grocery bags can’t resist organizing into like items which I find really annoying and short-sighted because then you have one bag filled with toilet paper and kleenex and another filled with bowling balls and you try to walk forward but you just spin in place. I totally hate that.

So then I was thinking I should write a book of advice to people in vocations where I have no experience. For example: Grocery bag packers should not group by like items. Here’s another: Doctors should not tell you about how sick they feel so that as you’re walking out of the office you actually say “hope you feel better.” (that actually happened to me years ago.) Here’s another: bus drivers shouldn’t be prone to road rage. Here’s another: prostitutes shouldn’t wait till the third date. Here’s another: Lion tamers shouldn’t smell like elk meat.

You know, but funny