So I got an email from Bill Schulz’s brother Alfred saying he saw me in a commercial for an upcoming Adam Sandler Biography on the Biography channel. This makes me think this Biography will be airing soon, as that’s how commercials tend to work. For example, that commercial about Zyrtec with that woman who says “You know that song, Time in a Bottle? Well I got it…” and then it you think it’s going to be a commercial about hair dye or something which makes much more sense than allergy medication? I mean, I take Allegra on occasion and I’ve never been like “Holy fuck! What will I do with these extra three hours that I used to devote to sneezing?” Well that commercial means Zyrtec will air soon.
Ok, that was forced and not that funny. Can we go back to how I always want that commercial to be about hair dye because if it covered gray at least it would make sense that it gives you “time in a bottle”? But allergy medicine? I just don’t get it.
Anyway, that wasn’t the point. The point is that I taped Bios for Adam Sandler, Shannon Doherty, Mr. T, The Wahlbergs and one more. Who was it? Hm. Dammit I forget. Maybe if I pop some antihistamines I can go back in time and find out.
Ok, back to the commercial. If your bottle of Zyrtec contained a digital watch tucked into the bottle? That would be time in a bottle. Or if it had a sprig of thyme, even that I could allow. Plus, I bet Zyrtec is in a blister pack anyway, which is a disgusting name.
So keep your eyes peeled for those Biographies. I have no idea how they’re going to chyron me (that’s that little thingerdoodle with the words that says your name and where you’re from.) I don’t recall them asking me. It could be an exciting surprise.
Nope, Zyrtec really does come in a bottle. But I do agree that “blister pack” really is a revolting name.
Have you ever had to bring reading material to kill the extra time that Zyrtec afforded you?
Mr. T, really? Sweet!
I’ll watch that one just on the strength of the subject.
How about a little teaser? What did you say about Mr T?
It can’t be long before Billy Mays and/or the Shamwow guy sell time in a bottle. And when they do I’ll be all over it. I’ll trip over myself running to phone in my order. And then I’ll finally have all the time I need to do the fun things in life – like play Parcheesi and Frantic Frogs.
The Biography channel called me a week ago and asked what I thought your chyron should be, Alison. I said “Bon Vivant” which is defined as “a person with refined taste, especially one who enjoys superb food and drink.”
And I think you can still be a Bon Vivant even if you don’t have a toaster. However you really should have a toaster-oven – want to buy mine?